# CASA ROSALIA

## "The Million Dollar Mess"

Pilot Episode
Written by Ana Haynes

FADE IN:

---

### COLD OPEN

**INT. LUXURY OPEN HOUSE — SHORT HILLS, NJ — DAY**

Marble everything. A chandelier the size of a small car. Champagne glasses on a silver tray. In the middle of it all: VIVIANA "VIVI" ROSALIA-CALLAHAN, 42, glowing in a red power dress and heels she absolutely should not be walking in.

She glides through the foyer like a Colombian Oprah — air-kissing wealthy couples, refilling champagne, laughing at jokes that aren't funny.

**VIVI (to CAMERA, confessional style):**
In real estate, you are selling a dream. And nobody — *nobody* — sells a dream like Vivi Rosalia.

She spins back to the room. A pearled woman touches her arm.

**PEARLED BUYER:**
Vivi, the light in here. It's *magical.*

**VIVI:**
That, mi amor, is called east-facing windows and forty-two thousand dollars in staging.

CRASH.

Everyone freezes. The sound of shattering glass — enormous, catastrophic — from the kitchen.

Vivi's smile does not move. Her eyes do.

**VIVI (still smiling, to buyer):**
Would you excuse me for one *tiny* second.

She glides toward the kitchen at the speed of a woman who wants to run but is wearing four-inch Louboutins.

**INT. KITCHEN — CONTINUOUS**

BRODY MITCHELL, 26, lacrosse-jock handsome, sweet as pie, is standing in the middle of a lake of broken crystal. He is holding half of what used to be a chandelier.

**BRODY:**
Boss lady. It was already like this.

**VIVI:**
Brody. It was hanging from the ceiling twelve seconds ago.

**BRODY:**
...Then it's been a busy twelve seconds.

Vivi stares at him. She takes a breath. She turns to CAMERA.

**VIVI (confessional):**
That is Brody. I hired him because his family knows every buyer in Essex County. Also because I lost a bet.

CUT TO:

**INT. LUXURY OPEN HOUSE — FOYER — MINUTES LATER**

Vivi has re-glazed her smile back on. The Pearled Buyer waits, curious.

**VIVI:**
The chandelier is being *replaced* — we felt the crystal was too *traditional.* The seller is putting in a Chihuly.

**PEARLED BUYER (dazzled):**
Oh my *God.*

**VIVI (to camera, walking past):**
There is no Chihuly.

---

**MAIN TITLE:**

**CASA ROSALIA**

---

### ACT ONE

**INT. KIM REALTY GROUP OFFICES — NEWARK — MORNING**

A mid-sized brokerage. Glass walls, framed sales awards. Vivi enters like she owns the place. Half the office claps. She waves both hands like a beauty queen.

**VIVI:**
Full ask, cash offer, closed in eleven days. My people, my people.

CARLA VÁSQUEZ, 39, immaculately dressed, slow-claps from her desk with venom.

**CARLA:**
Congratulations, Vivi. That chandelier really *pulled the room together.*

**VIVI:**
Carla. Mi amor. I did not see you there. You're wearing beige.

MR. DAVID KIM, 55, exhausted, leans out of his glass office.

**MR. KIM:**
Vivi. My office.

**VIVI (to Carla, sweet):**
Excuse me. My *boss* wants me.

She sails past. Carla's nail-tap escalates.

**INT. MR. KIM'S OFFICE — CONTINUOUS**

Mr. Kim closes the door. He sits. He looks at Vivi with the face of a man who has not slept since 2019.

**MR. KIM:**
I have a listing.

**VIVI:**
I love listings.

**MR. KIM:**
Short Hills. New construction. Four point two.

Vivi does not move. Her face does not move. Only her eyeliner adjusts.

**VIVI:**
Four point two...

**MR. KIM:**
Million.

**VIVI (soft):**
Ay dios mío santísimo.

**MR. KIM:**
Seller is a European investor. Very particular. Wants it staged, photographed, and open-housed before he flies back to Milan.

**VIVI:**
When does he fly back?

**MR. KIM:**
Forty-eight hours.

Beat. Vivi processes. She stands. She smooths her dress.

**VIVI:**
Give it to me.

**MR. KIM:**
Vivi. If we land this, you are Agent of the Year. If we lose it —

**VIVI:**
David.

She takes his hands. Serious. Sincere.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
I have never lost a listing. I have never lost a buyer. I have never lost weight I did not want to lose. Give me the house.

Mr. Kim exhales. He slides the folder across. Vivi grabs it, spins, and floats out.

**MR. KIM (to camera, dead-eyed):**
She has lost listings.

---

**INT. THE CALLAHAN HOUSE — KITCHEN — LATER**

A warm, chaotic, loud Newark row-house kitchen. The kitchen is bigger than it should be because Danny knocked out a wall in 2019.

MAMA ELENA, 68, is at the stove making arepas. TÍA ROSA, 72, in leopard-print, is at the table doing her nails and offering opinions. MISS RUTH, 75, Danny's Irish-Catholic mother, is at the counter unpacking a cheesecake she absolutely was not asked to bring.

MATEO, 10, is playing poker with Miss Ruth. He is winning.

SOFIA, 16, is filming everything on her phone.

Vivi BURSTS in like the Kool-Aid man.

**VIVI:**
FAMILY! FAMILY. I got the Short Hills mansion.

Silence. Everyone looks up.

**MAMA ELENA:**
Which mansion, mija?

**VIVI:**
THE mansion.

**MAMA ELENA:**
Ay dios mío santísimo.

**VIVI:**
That's what I said!

**TÍA ROSA:**
How much?

**VIVI:**
Four point two.

**TÍA ROSA (crossing herself with a nail file):**
Ay dios santísimo mío.

**MISS RUTH (deadpan, not looking up):**
That's a lot of cheesecake.

DANNY CALLAHAN, 44, in work boots and a Callahan Construction tee, comes up from the basement.

**DANNY:**
What are we screaming about?

**VIVI:**
Four point two million dollar listing. Short Hills. Forty-eight hours to stage it.

Danny's face slowly registers.

**DANNY:**
Vivi.

**VIVI:**
Danny.

**DANNY:**
*Vivi.*

**VIVI:**
I need you.

**DANNY:**
When don't you.

**VIVI:**
Finish carpentry. Whatever needs doing. Free.

**DANNY:**
Free?

**VIVI:**
Free. This is family. I am your family.

**DANNY (to camera):**
She says that when she wants free labor. She says "you're my husband" when she wants free labor and *dinner.*

Sofia's phone is still up. Filming.

**SOFIA:**
Mom, this is *content.*

**VIVI:**
Sofia, no phone. This is *serious.*

**SOFIA:**
Everything's content, Mom. Serious is just content that hasn't gone viral yet.

Beat. Vivi points at her, impressed against her will.

**VIVI:**
That is very smart. You are grounded.

Mama Elena, casually, sliding an arepa onto Vivi's plate:

**MAMA ELENA:**
Mija, this weekend — the rehearsal dinner for Tía Rosa's granddaughter's quinceañera.

Vivi freezes mid-arepa.

**VIVI:**
The... *what.*

**TÍA ROSA:**
Sábado. Forty guests. You said yes six months ago.

**VIVI:**
Rosa. I have the biggest listing of my *life* this weekend.

**MAMA ELENA:**
Perfect. Big house. Bigger house. More room.

**VIVI:**
NO —

**MAMA ELENA (already texting):**
I'll bring the chairs.

**VIVI:**
Mamá, *NO —*

**MAMA ELENA:**
Forty chairs. And Hector. For the acoustics.

**VIVI:**
There will be no acoustics!

**MISS RUTH (still not looking up, dealing cards):**
This is going to be great.

**MATEO (studying his hand):**
I'll bring my book.

Vivi turns slowly to camera. Long stare.

**VIVI (confessional):**
I can do both. I am a Colombian woman. We invented multitasking. We invented the *concept* of Tuesday.

---

**INT. THE SHORT HILLS MANSION — LATER THAT DAY**

The mansion. Empty. Vast. Marble. An infinity pool visible through floor-to-ceiling glass. Vivi, Danny, Brody, and — uninvited — Carla, walk through.

**CARLA:**
Cute little starter home.

**VIVI:**
Carla, why are you here.

**CARLA:**
Kim asked me to observe. In case you need... *support.*

**VIVI:**
The only support I need is a bra strap.

Brody, sincere:

**BRODY:**
Boss lady, the vibes in here are *immaculate.*

Vivi's phone RINGS. She answers, all charm.

**VIVI:**
Signor Voss! I was *just* thinking about you.

She puts him on VIDEO CALL. On the screen: MR. VOSS, 60s, European, icy, drinking espresso somewhere expensive.

**MR. VOSS (V.O., through phone):**
Ms. Rosalia. My expectations are simple. Understated elegance. No chaos. No chaos. No chaos.

**VIVI:**
Signor, I *am* understated elegance.

Danny, in the background, catches his reflection in the wall of glass and admires it.

**MR. VOSS (V.O.):**
And I will arrive tomorrow evening. Not the day after.

Vivi's smile becomes a rictus.

**VIVI:**
Tomorrow?

**MR. VOSS (V.O.):**
Tomorrow. Ciao.

He hangs up. Vivi lowers the phone slowly.

**VIVI:**
Twenty-four hours.

**CARLA (delighted):**
Oh no.

Vivi's phone BUZZES. She looks. It's Mama Elena. A photo: FORTY FOLDING CHAIRS being unloaded from a van. AT THE MANSION. Right now.

**VIVI:**
Ay. Dios. Mío.

**END OF ACT ONE**

---

### ACT TWO

**INT. THE MANSION — GREAT ROOM — CONTINUOUS**

Mama Elena, Tía Rosa, and Miss Ruth are directing three cousins carrying chairs into the great room. A PIÑATA — enormous, shaped like a bull — is being lifted onto a hook Danny didn't know he'd installed.

Vivi arrives at a dead sprint. She is limping. She has taken off one heel.

**VIVI:**
MAMÁ. NO. *NO.*

**MAMA ELENA:**
Mija, we're just setting up.

**VIVI:**
The buyer is coming *tomorrow.* I need it *empty* and *staged.*

**TÍA ROSA:**
So we'll stage it Colombian.

**VIVI:**
It is not being staged Colombian!

**MISS RUTH (walking in with a cheesecake):**
I brought dessert.

**VIVI:**
RUTH. WHY.

**MISS RUTH:**
Buyers like cheesecake.

**VIVI:**
He is *European.*

**MISS RUTH:**
Cheesecake is European.

**VIVI:**
Ruth. It is not. *Cheesecake is not European.*

**MISS RUTH:**
Tell that to my mother, Bridget O'Sullivan, of County Cork.

Vivi opens her mouth. Closes it. Opens it. Closes it.

**VIVI (confessional):**
I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her.

**INT. THE MANSION — VARIOUS — MONTAGE**

Rapid-cut montage. Music: something bright, Latin, chaotic.

- **DANNY**, blueprints in hand, walks into a powder room. Starts to knock down a wall with a sledgehammer. WIDE SHOT: he is in the wrong room.
- **BRODY** pulls up to a warehouse in a rented truck. He points at a truck. The wrong truck. It is full of TAXIDERMIED ANIMALS.
- **SOFIA** sets up a phone tripod in the foyer. Livestream title card appears on screen: **"MY MOM IS LOSING IT — LIVE."** Comments flood in.
- **MAMA ELENA** hangs a string of papel picado banners from the imported Italian light fixtures.
- **TÍA ROSA** sits at the marble island painting her nails and giving relationship advice via speakerphone to a cousin named Marisol.
- **MISS RUTH** places one cheesecake on every horizontal surface.
- **CARLA** stands in a doorway, filming everything on her phone, smiling.
- **MATEO** quietly plays chess with himself in the corner.

Music BUILDS.

**INT. THE MANSION — GREAT ROOM — LATER**

Vivi is now on the phone with three people simultaneously, one AirPod in, holding two other phones. Her hair has escaped her hair.

**VIVI (into phone 1):**
Yes, Signor, I'm sending the photos NOW —

**VIVI (into phone 2):**
Brody, WHY does the truck have an elk in it —

**VIVI (into phone 3):**
Mr. Kim, everything is FINE.

Danny appears, covered in drywall dust. He looks sheepish.

**DANNY:**
Babe. Small thing.

**VIVI:**
What.

**DANNY:**
That wall in the powder room?

**VIVI:**
The one you were finishing?

**DANNY:**
The one I was... yeah.

**VIVI:**
Danny.

**DANNY:**
It's gone.

**VIVI:**
GONE?

**DANNY:**
The blueprints were sideways.

**VIVI:**
DANNY.

**DANNY:**
It's a *feature* now.

Vivi's phones all ring at once. All three phones. She stares at them like they are enemies.

Then — the doorbell.

Everyone freezes.

**BRODY (O.S.):**
Boss lady? There's a European man in the driveway?

Vivi turns to camera. Long, dead stare.

**VIVI (whispered):**
He is not supposed to be here until tomorrow.

**INT. THE MANSION — FOYER — CONTINUOUS**

Vivi hobbles to the peephole in one shoe. Peeks. Yes. It is Mr. Voss. Getting out of a black car. Adjusting his cufflinks.

She spins. War-general face.

**VIVI:**
LISTEN TO ME.

The whole family and the whole staff stops.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
We have — (checks watch) — ninety seconds.

She points at Brody.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
The elk. Closet. NOW.

Brody nods, terrified, and drags the taxidermied elk toward a coat closet.

She points at Mama Elena.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
Piñata. Under the chaise.

**MAMA ELENA:**
The piñata is full of candy!

**VIVI:**
Under. The. Chaise.

She points at Tía Rosa.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
Papel picado. Down. Now.

**TÍA ROSA:**
It's *pretty!*

**VIVI:**
ROSA.

Rosa yanks a garland. It rips.

She points at Sofia.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
Phone. Down. I will buy you an iPhone.

**SOFIA:**
The new one?

**VIVI:**
Yes.

**SOFIA:**
With the camera?

**VIVI:**
YES.

**SOFIA (lowering phone):**
Deal.

She points at Miss Ruth.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
Cheesecakes. Kitchen. All of them.

**MISS RUTH:**
Fine.

She points at Danny.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
The wall.

**DANNY:**
The hole?

**VIVI:**
Tapestry. There is a tapestry in Mama's chair bag. COVER IT.

Danny sprints.

She points at Mateo.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
You. Be adorable.

**MATEO (flatly):**
I am always adorable.

She points at Carla, who is grinning.

**VIVI (CONT'D):**
Carla. Get out.

**CARLA:**
I'm observing.

**VIVI:**
GET OUT.

Carla, delighted, retreats to the kitchen.

**VIVI (to herself):**
Okay. Okay. Okay.

The doorbell RINGS again. Louder.

Vivi puts on her second shoe. Takes a breath. Fluffs her hair. Adjusts her lipstick using the reflection in a decorative bowl.

She opens the door.

**VIVI (radiant):**
Signor Voss! Welcome to your future.

**END OF ACT TWO**

---

### ACT THREE

**INT. THE MANSION — FOYER — CONTINUOUS**

Vivi ushers Mr. Voss in. He is small, precise, and dressed like a man who has never worn denim.

He walks in. He stops.

He looks at the floor. Then the walls. Then the coat closet, from which the tip of an antler is faintly visible.

**MR. VOSS:**
What is —

He steps forward. His foot lands on a piece of piñata candy. He picks it up. It is a Colombian *bocadillo* wrapped in plastic.

He looks at Vivi.

**MR. VOSS (CONT'D):**
What is this.

Vivi's mouth opens. She has no plan.

From the kitchen, faintly, HECTOR (the mariachi cousin nobody warned us about) begins playing a soft, romantic guitar.

Vivi seizes it.

**VIVI:**
Signor. What you are seeing is... *cultural staging.*

**MR. VOSS:**
Cultural staging.

**VIVI:**
The trend in luxury real estate — right now — is *lived-in authenticity.* Buyers today do not want a *sterile* showroom. They want a home that *speaks.* A home that has *a story.*

Danny walks in, dust still in his hair, sees Voss, freezes.

**VIVI (gesturing at Danny):**
This is the craftsman. He has been *finishing* the powder room. By hand.

**DANNY (deadpan):**
By hand.

Mama Elena walks in from the kitchen carrying a plate of arepas.

**MAMA ELENA:**
You must eat.

**MR. VOSS:**
I —

**MAMA ELENA:**
Eat. Please.

She puts one in his hand. He looks at it. He looks at Vivi. He takes a bite.

Long beat.

**MR. VOSS:**
This is extraordinary.

**MAMA ELENA:**
Yes.

Vivi exhales.

**VIVI:**
Signor, our philosophy is that a home is *fed* by the people in it. What you are experiencing today is a *ceremony.* A blessing. Every home Vivi Rosalia lists is blessed with food, music, and family. It is a *tradition passed down for generations.*

*(It is not.)*

Mateo walks past carrying a chess set. Voss watches him.

**MATEO (without looking up):**
It's from Medellín. The blessing.

**MR. VOSS:**
Fascinating.

Tía Rosa slinks in, one leopard-print heel first.

**TÍA ROSA (to Voss, in her most Blanche Devereaux voice):**
Signor. I hope my niece is treating you well.

**MR. VOSS (charmed against his will):**
Signora.

**TÍA ROSA:**
Please. Rosa.

Vivi mouths *Dios mío* at the camera.

Miss Ruth walks in carrying a cheesecake.

**MISS RUTH:**
Slice?

**MR. VOSS:**
Is this —

**MISS RUTH:**
Irish. County Cork. Traditional welcome.

**MR. VOSS:**
Ireland.

**MISS RUTH:**
Ireland.

He takes a plate. Bites. Blinks.

**MR. VOSS:**
This is also extraordinary.

**MISS RUTH:**
Yes.

**INT. THE MANSION — GREAT ROOM — CONTINUOUS**

Voss walks into the great room. Vivi trails him, prayerful. The piñata is under the chaise. A slight bulge is visible.

He stops. He looks at the couch. He looks at the wall. Where Danny's tapestry, hastily hung, drapes over a hole about the size of a small refrigerator.

**MR. VOSS:**
The tapestry.

**VIVI:**
Peruvian. Nineteenth century.

*(It is from HomeGoods.)*

**MR. VOSS:**
Beautiful.

Then, from behind him — CARLA. Emerging from the kitchen, phone in hand.

**CARLA:**
Signor Voss? Before you go — I thought you should see this.

She holds up her phone. A photo. The hole in the wall. Rebar visible. Drywall dust everywhere.

Voss's face DARKENS.

**MR. VOSS:**
There is a *hole.*

Beat.

Everyone freezes.

Danny steps forward. Drywall dust in his hair. Callahan Construction tee. Boots. He is the only calm person in the room.

**DANNY:**
Sir. I built that wall.

**MR. VOSS:**
Pardon?

**DANNY:**
Not that wall specifically. But I've built walls like it. Twenty-two years in Newark construction. Third generation. My grandfather did the row houses in the Ironbound.

**MR. VOSS:**
I don't understand what —

**DANNY:**
Sir. Any real Jersey guy walks through this floor plan, he sees that wall, he knows. It was cutting the flow. It was a *bad wall.* It was an insult to this house.

Voss blinks.

**DANNY (CONT'D):**
So I took it out. As a gift. To you.

Long, long beat.

Mr. Voss walks slowly to the tapestry. He lifts the corner. He peers behind it. He steps back. He tilts his head. He walks to the opposite side of the room. He looks at the space where the wall was.

**MR. VOSS (softly):**
The flow is now correct.

Vivi almost faints.

**MR. VOSS (louder):**
The flow is now correct!

He turns to Vivi. He is *animated.*

**MR. VOSS (CONT'D):**
Ms. Rosalia, this is what Americans have forgotten. *Character.* *Craft.* A *family.* A *ceremony.* You do not sell a house — you sell a *life.*

**VIVI (barely breathing):**
That's... what I always say.

**MR. VOSS:**
I will sign today. And I want *this.* All of this. The blessing. The music. The tapestry. When we open the house, I want the family here. This is the story.

Carla's face falls. Vivi tries not to react. She fails. She reacts.

**VIVI:**
Signor. It would be my *honor.*

She turns to camera. Small smile.

**VIVI (confessional):**
I did not plan any of that. But if anyone asks — I planned all of that.

---

### TAG

**INT. THE CALLAHAN HOUSE — KITCHEN TABLE — LATER THAT NIGHT**

The three grandmothers — Mama Elena, Tía Rosa, and Miss Ruth — sit around the kitchen table. Coffee. Ruth's cheesecake. Elena's arepas. Rosa's nail polish drying.

**MAMA ELENA:**
My daughter is going to give herself a heart attack.

**TÍA ROSA:**
Your daughter is going to *buy Newark.*

**MISS RUTH (sipping whiskey):**
Both can be true.

In the living room beyond, Vivi and Danny sit close on the couch. Danny hands her a glass of wine. She curls up against him.

Mateo, at the counter, quietly Googles: **"cost of taxidermied elk."**

Sofia bursts in.

**SOFIA:**
Mom. Mom. Three brands want to sponsor us.

**VIVI:**
Sponsor what?

**SOFIA:**
Us. The family. The livestream. Hashtag Casa Rosalia. Two hundred and forty thousand views.

**DANNY:**
Wait, what?

Vivi sits up. She looks at Sofia. Then at Danny. Then at the kitchen table, where the three grandmothers are watching, cheesecake forks in hand.

She looks at the CAMERA. Slow, wicked grin.

**VIVI:**
Mija — we are *Casa Rosalia.*

The three grandmothers, in perfect unison, cheesecake forks raised:

**ELENA / ROSA / RUTH:**
In our day —

They look at each other. Beat.

**ELENA / ROSA / RUTH (together):**
— oh, here we go.

They CLINK forks. Everyone laughs. Hector's guitar drifts in from somewhere.

FREEZE FRAME on Vivi's face — mid-laugh, wine in hand, family around her, empire in front of her.

FADE OUT.

**END OF PILOT**

---

*Casa Rosalia — Written by Ana Haynes — Rosalia Group*